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If you know where you're going, you don't have to know why
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| And the kittens of the world lived in safety once more.
=^^=
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| ((OOC: This is not a journal entry for Izumi, but a sorely needed practice at writing her in third person now that things about about to get started. Looks like I may have given away too much of her background though. At some point I might even shamelessly copy some [short!] fragments of this into her actual RP posts as needed...))
Stars. A cold swath of moonlight spilling over from the window onto her bed. Izumi Kanai lay awake, eyes wide open in the feeble darkness. She knew she couldn’t sleep now… not when her thoughts were so focused on…
...tomorrow.
Tomorrow was the long-anticipated school trip. The one everyone had been talking about for days. The big one. And, basically, the last time everyone in the class was going to be together. The final outing for the happy Class 3B family, a last chance for them to be children before plunging into the real world, the worries about universities and careers. Graduation from junior high was coming up soon, and many of Izumi’s classmates would part ways, going to different high schools according to their academic ability. And Izumi herself…
She hadn’t told anyone this, but she probably wasn’t going to see any of them again. Just three weeks ago (had it only been three weeks?) her father had told her, with a hint of excitement in his voice, and his eyes as bright as a those of a child with a new toy, that he had gotten a promotion. Moving up in the lower-level government of the Republic of Greater East Asia. They would leave Kagawa Prefecture in two months.
Moving away. Izumi mouthed the words to herself. It hardly seemed real. The school she had known for three years, and the friends she’d known for longer than that. Cheerful little Megumi Eto with her kind smile, Chisato and Haruka with their whole group (probably destined to be housewives, but oh well), Kaori and Mizhuo (even though those two were always a little strange), and class rep Yukie Ustumi, who might even go as far in life as Izumi herself, and even the boys, the majority of whom she couldn’t stand, although spazzy ol’ Motobuchi seemed to have a future, at least, but of course she couldn’t waste time going after guys… it was hard for Izumi to believe that they were really parting so soon, that these very real people would disappear into a sea of anonymous faces, fading into the background of her memory. It was a little… melancholy.
Stop that. Don’t be sentimental. Remember what Dad said. Sentimentality is the death of ambition, the death of success. Izumi brushed aside a few annoying strands of purple hair from her face. These were the cold, hard facts. Her father wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be wrong. All his life he had known just what he wanted and how to get it, and he was, after all, the town representative, far more than a mere nobody. Someone like that couldn’t be wrong, could he? In a vague and hopeful way Izumi had always wanted to be just like him, determined and successful and seemingly invincible to the hurts and disasters that could be perpetuated by this world. So confident.
She would do anything to live like that. Even if she would end up doing things that, by conventional standards, would be wrong. Not shedding a tear when leaving your friends. That was wrong, wasn’t it?
No one will ever tell you this, Izumi, so I’d better do it for you. There is no such thing as right and wrong. That was what her father had told her, in one of his philosophical moods (eased by a little sake). There is only what is right and wrong for you.
And she believed him. She believed every word. But still…
Wasn’t there that time, Dad? That time when even you hadn’t been so sure?
It had been a little over a year ago. One of her father’s government superiors had, on a visit to the Kanai home, given him a box of what looked like audiotapes. (Izumi wasn’t sure because she was sneaking a look from behind the shadows of the hallway. She wasn’t supposed to be there for such an important visit.) “Listen to them,” the older government official had commanded her father, with something like a heinous cackle in his voice. “Listen to them and you’ll understand what I’ve been telling you recently. You just can’t be soft in this country anymore. This-- this--is how merciless you must become.”
He did listen to them, later, in his room. And when Izumi saw him that evening, this man, Hideaki Kanai, her father, the impeccable, the perfect citizen, looked like his nerves had been completely shattered. Very late at night, when Izumi was supposed to be asleep, she hid and listened to him speak in slow melancholy tones to Midori, the woman who was now his third wife. (Her father—how should she put it—liked the ladies. Izumi got along just fine with most of them, and they thought she was a sweet intelligent child, when in truth she didn’t care in the least about them.)
“Midori,” her father had said, “they were so young.”
“Midori, this is the first time I’ve ever doubted… doubted what I do for a living.”
“Midori, I… I heard them die.”
Izumi had never asked her father what that was all about. She knew better than to ever mention the incident. But sometimes, in the middle of a soundless and sleepless night, she would wonder at what his words meant. It troubled her now.
What was it all about? Who died? Maybe it had been a taped execution of political dissidents. Is this the price you paid for success—to turn a blind eye to the suffering and death of others?
But if they were dissidents… then she couldn’t afford to be sentimental.
Izumi turned over in bed. Her eyes were getting achy and tired now. It would be best to try to fall asleep—after all, tomorrow was the big day. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment  |
| Is it just me, or does that mood icon look like Motobuchi at his finest? Haha.
So I’m packing up for the trip. Dad has left what to bring completely up to me this time. Says that this is an exercise in independence. Exciting! So far I’ve got a change of clothing, some extra snacks (healthy ones of course), extra chopsticks (I dropped the ones they gave me on our last field trip, eeww), and water, my phone, a planner (behold my super-organized powers of DOOM!!), and a book to read. Too bad we probably won’t get newspapers, though. It’s a shame but I can live without keeping up with the news for a day or two, right? I wanted bring this little Swiss Army knife (not legal for being from a bourgeois European country, but as I said my dad’s job has its perks) but I’d probably get in trouble for having something sharp at a school function. Oh well.
I hope we’re not going into some wilderness nature-preserve-like area, though. Because I… hate small animals.
Gah, I don’t know why. But they give me the creeps. With their beady little eyes… don’t you feel like they’re watching you all the time and planning something? That their little twisted minds are completely beyond human reason? That given the chance, they would all bite you?
Simply put, I can’t stand them. Mice, rabbits, hamsters, anything. Yeah… so… sorry Chisato but that includes your puppy too. I’ve never had a pet, and it’s already bad enough that all my relatives and Dad’s friends give me so many stuffed animals. Are those things supposed to be cute? I mean, look at their eyes… the blankness… the stare of death…!!!
Sheesh, I need to get over this. Hence the cat mood icons. I'm literally forcing myself to stare at those little cat heads bobbing up and down. Eugh. But I have to, right? Neuroses will not make anyone a more attractive job candidate (unless they’re performing psychological experiments on you or something). I wish I could be… more mature about this whole small animal thing. That I could be completely logical. Well, at least I only have one irrational phobia, right? ^^
Oh and by the way… did I ever explicitly SAY that Kiriyama’s happy little “family” was behind the trashing of my house last week? Nope! I guess they all assumed I meant them the moment I uttered the word “delinquent”. Well, that sounds about right. I hope all of you fail out of high school, never get a decent job, and in the end must be swept from the gutters like the human refuse that you are. Thank you and good night. <3
((OOC: She’s got a talent for pissing people off eh? The chopsticks are there for a reason. But not for poking people’s eyes out. Most characters would do well to forget she ever mentioned bringing them though… hopefully.)) | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment  |
| | Subject: | Surprise! | | Time: | 07:14 pm | | Current Mood: | energetic |
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| That's right. This is still me, Izumi Kanai, semi-star student (who am I kidding, right?), nice, normal, and balanced (or at least nowhere near delinquent, thank you) girl, the one who everyone says will get far in life. And now I have a little... purple in my hair.
No, I haven't gone completely insane. I just felt like having some distinguishing feature, right? As Dad always says, everyone needs something to set them apart if they want to get anywhere at all. Doesn't matter if you have a pretty face, nice manners, good mind, whatever. If people can't remember something special about you, something that stands out or even just a little... odd, then your chances on becoming extraordinary, or at least being known, are shot.
And if you know me, you know that I'm planning to become at least a little extraordinary, thank you. Dad's a town rep, as some of you may know, but I hope to get just a little farther than that. There seriously aren't enough women in government right now, but I'm working to change that, of course. <3
And speaking of government...
Which one of you little... delinquent pieces of... filthy... FILTH threw garbage and toilet paper (USED toilet paper) at my house last week? So my father works for the government. Not exactly popular, I know. But have you stopped for a moment to consider whether the government has done anything to you? You're all getting this well-rounded education for free, courtesy of them. Half of you listen to rock and put godawful illegal chemicals into your bodies (and write about them on your public journals like Hirono did, sheesh), and do you see them coming after you? No!
The point is, the government isn't this big bad omnipresent entity you make it out to be. Sometimes it's even looking out for you. Most of the time, it doesn't care. (Like my dad haha... doesn't give a sh!t about what he does really, but it pays so well) It seems to me like some of you just need something to hate, but all this anger is misdirected and unneccessary. We're all so young, right? Our lives are so full of friends and schoolwork and family and stuff. Why worry about all this stuff that's basically above and beyond our control?
Maybe I'm just putting in a good word at the defense of my future employer, of course. I'll probably get the sh!t flamed out of me for this post, too. Sheesh. Don't hate me just because I have career aspirations, you know. (I'm talking to you, Mimura.)
Anyway... yeah... onto other, more cheerful stuff. I've been hanging out more with Megumi, Tendo, and company lately, we tend to have a pretty hilarious time although sometimes I think I get a little too sarcastic... kinda feel bad about that... oh well, sarcasm is basically the unofficial language of lower-level politics anyway. Noriko is usually with us also, but sometimes someone can just be too nice. It makes me a little worried about them. I mean, it's not a nice world. If you don't watch out, then, in my dad's words, you get "eaten".
Megumi and Tada (haha, am I allowed to call him that? Sorry!!!) make a cute couple, but it's kind of weird watching your friends pairing off one by one. Are we really all growing up that fast? It's still too early for me to "fall in love", whatever that means. I can't imagine myself having a boyfriend or even... married. It's bound to happen sometime, I guess, but it's hard to fit that in with my idea of the future. With my career. I guess I've just never thought of myself doing anything other than working, especially something that could really take over your whole life.
Shou laughed at me and called my sexually repressed for saying something like that the other day. Well, you know what, some people just need to learn to be nice.
But not too nice, of course.
Anyway, that's all the rambling for today. I really should write more coherently... in preparation for the college admissions essays and my future speeches to the masses, haha. (By the way, exams went super-well for me. I am soooo happy.) Time to prepare for that school trip. It sounds a bit boring, but of course I'll be going, it's mandatory, silly. Everyone take care, and, in Dad's words, "don't ever lose sight of where you're going in life!" | comments: 24 comments or Leave a comment  |
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If you know where you're going, you don't have to know why
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